easter 2015

Laithe was the most excited about Easter this year. He said it was the jelly beans. Maybe it was, but kiddo woke up every day asking how long until Easter for like 2 weeks. The Thursday before Easter one of our homeschool friends organized an egg search and potluck for several families and it was so incredibly great. We frequently thank our lucky stars we've found this group of friends! 

For our own little family we dyed eggs & grew wheat grass. 

And enjoyed the cuteness of our kids.

Juniper got a basket full of eggs stuff with puffs. She was pretty pumped.

Guthrie and Laithe got mini birdhouses, tiny animals and birds, activity books and of course some candy. The Easter bunny had left a yard full of eggs stuffed with beads, candy, quarters, and other little treats. People in the midwest (is it only the midwest?) tend to get a little crazy with their Easter baskets. Like lots of new clothes, copious amounts of stuffed animals, gift cards. I am glad we haven't taken on that tradition and kept things relatively simple. 

I made them sit on the couch in their fancy clothes before grandmothers got here. 

Then there was the egg hunt, a yummy brunch, the tradtional silly string and chocolate overload.

Just think -- last year we were this: 

and this year we have this: 

this, the last of 2014

Oh hello old blog. How are you these days?

Clearly I'm struggling to find time to visit you, which I am sad about.  I'm stealing a moment today though because it's one of my least favorite holidays yet, I feel the need to commemorate. I should point out though, that even if it not my favorite holiday, this week is pretty much my favorite week of the year!

Those 5 sentences took twenty minutes to complete. I'm answering my own "why can't I seem to find time to blog?" question.

Someone needed a sandwich, two sandwiches and can't find the peanut butter, a rolly polly girl is about ready to roll right into the rocking chair, the dog stole part of a sandwich.

My hands are busy these days.

I know that in a few months (years?) it will feel less like I'm putting out fires and less like survival mode and so I'm doing my best to breathe through this season where...

getting kids to rest time and moving the rocking chair. . .

where at the end of the day I have no idea what, if anything, was accomplished beyond five people mostly getting their 4 basic needs met and some kids are getting some schooling in. Which, really, is all I need to be doing, except I do have hobbies that keep me sane. Saner.

rolly is tooting on the floor. . . not a toot. . .

seriously kids, rest time. it's new year's eve!


This year has really been one for the books. I have mixed feelings about it being over, largely just because my kids, they are growing up so very, very fast. The kids love to play 'how old will I be when...' when Juniper is 4, when Laithe is 12, when Guthrie is 30 when, when you are 60 and I get the appeal, but man the answer catches in my throat almost every time. My gasp is tempered with excitement for them though; growing up, it can be just amazing.

So, yes, this year, this year that flew by and contained so much love and laughter and tears and heartache and oh the growing. Contained the ages 0, 4, 8, & 36 and our 12th year of marriage, our 3rd child, the loss of a beloved pet and I know that it really was a good year. A beautiful year.

And yet,
and yet,
for me? As I sit here looking over the past 12 months I have a profound sense of relief that this year is done.

This will, obviously, always be the year that Juniper was born, but it will also always be the year that I was pregnant with her. I feel like I have a choice to make in thinking about this third pregnancy. I can be angry with a side of grief that I was treated like I was by our healthcare practitioners, that my two prior pregnancies and my age etc had led us to where it felt like they were our best option - and maybe they were our best option. That I had to constantly defend and explain my choices and desires. That I was constantly reminded that I was "old." That I was in a position where someone felt it was appropriate to tell me that if my child died it would be my fault.

Or I can be grateful that I am not 20. Twenty and overwhelmed and without the foundation that can only come from age and knowing yourself well. I know there are 20 year olds who are rock solid, but truly it has taken me this long to get where I am. To be confident and sure of myself and my choices. To giggle inappropriately when bullied. To take your shit, but not keep it. To know that it will take me years to get to where I want to be as far as my births go, emotionally and mentally and to know that I have years. That it's a worthwhile journey to heal from these experiences. That being honest that these experiences necessitate healing does not in any way, shape, or form have anything to do with the fact that I feel lucky to have had them. I can be grateful that I had/have a partner that stood by me firmly without question. I can be grateful that I had two older kids who I could be an example for. And the support I had for this pregnancy, it was incredible.

So, there it is. I actively choose that second path, even as I let myself explore the first because I think that's important too. I didn't choose a word for 2014 as so many other people did. I still don't know what it would be. I know I respect myself more in December than I had the occasion to in January, so that's something. Though the route to get there is not one I would have chosen.

About a week after Juniper was born John and I were in the living room and I turned to him and said, 'is it horrible that I'm so relieved all of that is over?' He said no, that he could tell I was relieved, that it was like a 50 lb weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That's kind of how I feel about this year. And I have so enjoyed this year, it's been amazing, but man I am so glad it's over.

Happy New Year Friends! I wish all the very best things for you and yours!

Easter!

Instead of lamenting that another dry month has passed on the blog I'm just going to celebrate that I have a couple minutes while dinner is cooking to post some pictures from Easter. We're having scrambled eggs, bacon, apples, and toast because it's 7:00 and everyone is about to get squirrely.

Anyways, Easter was a gorgeous weekend of beautiful weather - I think it was above 80 on Sunday. Perfect for being outside in Easter dresses and shorts!

{more and more i think Laithe and Tegra are going to be the quintessential boy and his dog.}

We spent most of the day outside, coming in only for brunch shared with my mom and John's parents and it was really nice. Every moment we can spend outdoors seems to fill the bucket that was emptied during our crazy cold winter.

 It was a nice weekend overall and we got some stuff done that needed to get done and PopPop got Guthrie a new bike! A week or two prior my mom had brought over the bike from her basement that we've been meaning to grab for a long time and before I had a chance to even get outside (because I was dealing with a 4 year old and his shoes) the neighbor kids helped a few times with her balancing and she was off like a shot.

And of course, after Easter Brunch was the traditional silly string attack. Which the kids love

and it looks as though John and his dad enjoyed it pretty well too!

Happy Easter and Spring from all of us!

ends & beginnings

My 5th grade self is just in shock that tomorrow it's going to be 2014. 

My 5th grade self is probably in shock about some other things in my life too, but whatever. 

I do like this New Year thing, though it doesn't ever feel like the real beginning of the year -- that's always the start of the school year. Instead I always think it's kind of a halfway point beginning, or like a do-over beginning. Kind of silly probably. 

2013 was a pretty good year. Full of the ups and downs that I'm beginning to equate with just being human. Here's what I think I'll remember:

• Lots of vacation time - 5 weeks I think.  Lots of time in the woods, so good for the soul.
• Finding out we're expecting a new member of the family!
• Lots of exterior home improvement, largely thanks to family members who surprised us with helping to fund it. Not as much interior home improvement as I wanted, but there's always next year. 
• Finding the weird balance and rhythm of both staying at home and homeschooling. It looks like this: overwhelm, exhaustion, peace, frustration, this is so easy, overwhelm, are we doing enough?, oh my gosh this is my favorite, overwhelm. . . repeat, sometimes several times per day. I believe I'm finding my footing. Apparently enough to throw it all out the window with another baby this summer!
• I'll remember the spring and summer as a really stressful time of Guthrie getting over her HSP -- we think and hope it's gone for good and we are so thankful. 
• Tegra, oh Tegra. You've been a good addition to our family and we love you to bits. If you could stop with the barking and toilet paper eating you would have my total loyalty.
• Our neighborhood becoming more of a community. Maybe we are becoming our own Noisy Village.
• Kids going to the beach for the 1st time - even if it was a Great Lake instead of the ocean I think it still kind of counts.
• My mom getting really sick and then getting well, but still having problems, but different problems. Hoping 2014 is awesome for her.
• The kids finding new friends and strengthening their friendship with each other. 
• Me finding some new friends too. Not an easy task, but a good investment.
• A really good year for John and I. Also not an easy task, but an excellent investment. Maybe after almost 12 years we're kind of getting the hang of this?

I think that what I will remember most about this year is just the simple meditative daily grind. The endless work of trying to do my best and then letting myself off the hook because sometimes good enough is actually truly good enough. Learning, again, that self care needs to take a priority over housework (which will never actually be done as long as people live in this house) and that being content is cultivated, not just something that happens to you. 

I'm looking forward to 2014. For what it holds for our family and how the kids will grow and change this next year. I am also looking forward to this cozy in-breath time of winter. Though it has been too cold for my preference. Too cold being any temperature where my kids can get hypothermia after 20 minutes outside. It could be a long few months, but maybe not, maybe we'll get into a rhythm and it will be fine. Either way my knitting needles are ready. 

Happy New Year Friends! I hope this finds you in a lovely place. 

Merry Christmas!

You'll have to forgive me for not posting closer to Christmas - we've been soaking up the days with John home from work for the week and all the post-holiday fun that happens with kiddos.

A lovely Christmas was had by all - I'll share the handmades and favorites later on.

But for now I'll just say we hope your holidays are full of wonder and brightness. And that this week of in-between finds you with a couple blissfully slow days before the work of the New Year begins.



My mom snapped this picture on Christmas Eve and I posted it on Facebook - hopefully you didn't miss it!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from the 5 of us!

(details soon, I promise)

Pumpkins

The kids got to take two trips to pick out pumpkins this year. One with my mom and one with John's. And they were thrilled!

We waited to carve until a few days before Halloween because our squirrels are super crazy. In fact they got into one pumpkin and completely emptied it of seeds and flesh and then a couple of days later I noticed they came back for the peel! 

We did our usual hammering of golf tees into a pumpkin - Laithe says, "I feel like a grown up" with his little hammer out. 

What a difference a year makes in his ability to aim and actually accomplish what he sets out to do! My favorite was when he pounded the tees into a smiley face. 

I gave the kids choices about whether they wanted to carve, or paint, or decorate with Mr. Potatohead pieces. Laithe changed his mind a few times (a reoccurring theme) but then we all ended up carving. 

John helped Guthrie and I helped Laithe. 

Guthrie had a significant amount of confidence in John's carving skills. They were able to strike a compromise and do partial carving with some detail drawn in sharpie. 

Guthrie had a significant amount of confidence in John's carving skills. They were able to strike a compromise and do partial carving with some detail drawn in sharpie. 

Not a very good picture, but well I snapped this and then the dog decided to have an adventure down the road by herself. In the dark. She's hard to see in the dark. 

All was well and she beat us back to the front porch, but still, it didn't make for great pictures. 

Honestly if I had to choose my favorite part of Halloween it'd be a tie between making costumes for the kids and carving pumpkins. Love it. Even the messy parts.

First Day of School 2013-14

Ahh the moment you've all been waiting for.

First Day of School Photos!



First Grade for Guthrie



and Preschool for Laithe



they were both pretty excited.






Both kids fell asleep talking about what a good first day of school it was. I count that a definite success!

As opposed to years past I was a little perplexed as to the uh 'thrown-together' look of this years' outfits. You'll notice they've both elected to wear long sleeves even though it got above 100 today. Last night they went up to their room to pick out outfits and Laithe lamented that he hadn't decided what to wear yet. I suggested he wear his favorite clothes. I find the pants a strange choice as I have not been able to get him out of his basketball shorts in over a month. And Guthrie has been wearing this shirt non-stop since I brought it home from school clothes shopping. They're so cute - this is so their personalities! Favorite things indeed.

Here's to a really great year full of excitement and learning!

Easter

We had a nice Easter. A warm enough morning for no coats - at least for the kids! Brunch, egg hunting, silly string, lots of photos - the things that make up our usual Easter tradition.

A few obligatory pictures!

{i was trying to get the kids to take a pic together before everyone got to our house.

 clearly they were plotting against me.}

{laithe was pretty darn good at hunting eggs this year}

{love this look}

{bubbles!}

{a nervous conversation about bee stings}

Happy Easter!

Three Years Old

Oh my.

There's such a big threshold between two and three years old. I actually feel like Laithe crossed it about a month ago, but officially the door is now closed on two.

Similar to how I felt on his sister's birthday I don't really feel like the past three years have just flashed by, but they have gone faster than anticipated. Faster maybe than I would have liked. In a way I feel we got kind of slighted for the first two years - just in that in comparison to how much I was with Guthrie I was with Laithe so much less for his first years. I was working so much. Being home as well as him being my second child - it's allowed me to enjoy him so much more. It is true what they say about being so much more relaxed with your second kid (much to my chagrin).  And, if I may be honest, I do enjoy my children as they older. I never thought I would say that! Instead of being embarrassed by that though I'll choose to be thankful -- because there's no going back! Only onward -  at a breakneck speed some days.

Once breakfast was over today it was really busy at our house and I was really busy running around. I didn't get too many chances spend time alone with my new 3 year old. Which was ok. There were grandparents! and balloons! and cake! and toys! and a sister getting him into trouble! He was joyful and truly I could watch him go about his business for hours. But tonight, once everyone was settled and Laithe had fallen asleep in my lap while we read I just held him for a bit. Breathing him in. Brushing back his long blond hair. Playing with his fingers while trying to comfortably fit him in my lap. All arms and legs that kid. At least when he's asleep. Just a few minutes for the two of us before I tucked him into his new big boy bed. Remembering all the nights I've done this for the past three years.

Motherhood has its serious perks.

























I love you Laithe! I am so thankful to be your mom. To help guide you through this life, and if not guide you then to always be here, with open arms and a full cup of tea that we can share. And maybe something sweet because I know how you get candy hungry. Thank you for being your charismatic, articulate, turkey of a self. Thank you for keeping me educated on the finer points of dinosaurs, Star Wars, and heroing up. For being the reason I'm the mother to a son. For challenging me, even when I don't really want to be challenged. For gaining a southern accent when you get whiny - it helps me not to lose my patience. Thank you for really loving to cuddle. For being an awesome little brother. You bring so much to your and Guthrie's relationship. For some reason I thought it would be a few more years before that happened, but I see the strength you give each other and the way you balance each other and it is beautiful. I love watching you with your dad. Some days you are two (loud) peas in a pod and it warms my heart that you have each other. Fatherhood has been the best thing ever for your dad I think. You have added so very much to our family. We're so glad you came!

Happy Birthday sweet son of mine.

- mama

                                 

handmade Christmas

We had fun this Christmas, John and I. We did a few projects together and really enjoyed working out in the garage with the woodworking tools he inherited from his Grandfather a couple years ago. One present was for "the school" and the kids got to open it together. I'd seen a wooden weather shape set on Etsy awhile back and wanted one similar- but I knew we could make one if we tried. So we did. And I think it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself!

We mainly use it during circle time, but I've observed Guthrie setting up a scene (as she is eternally wont to do these days) and Laithe running to get the box of weather - adding some wind or snow to the situation. He's cute about it. 

For Laithe we crafted a cave loosely based on this set from Nova Naturals. Ours is quite a bit more substantial, but he has discovered he can stack it in a similar way. It's cut from a solid 2 inch thick board - leftover from our kitchen shelving. I traced a loose pattern for spacing and then John cut it on his scroll saw. Which is how he cut the weather shapes too. A little bit of sanding made them fairly easy to put back together. 

For Guthrie we made a set of fencing for a corral. She's in that seemingly universal horse phase right now! Seven sides connect with wire and then the eighth we left open and John fashioned a 'key' out of wire to close it when she wants to. Originally they were supposed to connect with brass tubing, but, well, don't ask the short girl to drill straight on a tall table! Lesson learned! The wiring works well though.














All three sets of toys were painted with our liquid watercolors and then polished with the beeswax polish we use on just about everything.


For my solo creations I made this playmat for Laithe out of recycled sweaters and other bits of felt. I knew it would take some modeling before he quite knew what to do with it, but it didn't take too long before Batman was crossing the bridge so he could garden. I used this tutorial for instructions. It was really really fun to make - possibly one of my favorite things in a long while.

And Guthrie got this knitted tunic top from me. Waldorf Mama has made about a million of them and every time she posts a picture of one I wonder if I could make one. I was really pleased with how it turned out. It wasn't much of a secret/surprise, but I think I'd fooled her enough that it was going to go to someone else that she was pleased when she opened it on Christmas morning. The pattern is Bloom by Georgie Hallam and I made it out of really soft worsted malabrigo. My ravelry notes are here. I do wish it was a bit longer but in another month or so - provided she doesn't grow 2-3 inches it'll be nice over some pants for a bit warmer weather. I'm toying with making another for summer- longer and lighter weight, but we'll see. And dude, lacework! I was so worried and it was so not a big deal as long as I paid attention! I ended up doing all the lacework in 2 sittings so as to not lose my place too much. 

Aside from some pjs and flannel pants for Laithe I think that was it. I say that like it wasn't exhausting :)

I'm so very glad we did it though. It's lovely having things to give them that we created ourselves.

2012. done.

Sorting through a year's worth of photos will make you all teary and want to wax eloquent, but there's supposed to be a party happening tonight- just the 4 of us. Fancy cups and maybe some hats. Definitely pajamas and movies. So, one photo for each month. The things that have been my every day, my normal and usual and also my amazing and defining.

{january}

{february}

{march}

{april}

{may}

{june}

{july}

{august}

{september}

 {october}

{november}

{december}

I don't even know how to look back on this year. There were certainly many, many days of joy and laughter and adventure and love. There were also so many days of heartache and fear and sorrow and uncertainty. I think mainly this was a year of growth - at least for John and I. As individuals, as a couple, definitely as parents. I am so thankful we are ending the year on a good note. In a place of strength and love and possibly a little relief that we can close this year.

So long 2012 . . .