December 22, 2012

winter! and my discontent

We welcomed winter in with a blizzard, well, technically we said goodbye to fall with a blizzard, but either way there is snow on the ground for the beginning of winter.

All is right in my world! (vast overstatement, but still, more right)

The kids and I waited out the storm with movies and hot chocolate. A goofy Christmas movie that even made me tear up at the end - all the kids were adopted! santa got to go home to the north pole! there were puppies! And then more movies - one with talking animals. I really really dislike talking animal movies. They are so creepy. Laithe celebrated his first blizzard (in memory) by throwing up for the first time - and then several times after. Projectile every time. And, eventually very proud to mostly hit the bucket. But, it just lasted for the morning and soon he was clamoring for hot chocolate so, whatever, I guess.

I do like a good blizzard. Not so much the wind, which, I get is a necessary part of blizzard making, but I did not like that they've started naming winter storms like they name hurricanes. I don't like it at all. Winter Storm Draco is not nearly as exciting as 'snowpocalypse' or something similar.

 I don't know how much it ended up snowing here- it was hard to measure with all the blowing and drifting. Some parts of our backyard were almost bare and some had eight inches! Every year I feel like I forget how beautiful the snow is to watch. This year it was so fun to watch Laithe just stare at the flakes fall - and then get stirred up and blown sideways. I let Guthrie go out for about 2 minutes before I worried about her getting hit with a branch - she was thrilled.

Last night for Solstice we had our little celebration planned and it did not goes as planned - at least for me. That's something they don't tell you about parenting. That you can plan some cool stuff and work really hard to make the experience special, but there's a high chance that dinner will be cold, that your child for whom socks have been an issue for SIX (enter your expletive of choice here) years will throw a fit that I lack words to describe, that your other child with start screaming after 3 minutes outside because of snow in his mitten, so that even though it took 20 minutes to get ready to go outside he will scream until he is back inside, that there won't be enough mulled wine, and someone will be pissed there aren't any marzipan freaking mushrooms on the yule cake. Match that with the past 2 weeks of mama staying up too late working on presents, and a lingering sinus something, and well, John suggested there may have been some hormones at play (you can guess how that conversation went) and I had more than a few "not my finest parenting moments".  Keep your Draco, we make our own snowpocalypse here folks! Laithe and I sat at the candlelit table and I cried into my not-full-enough mug of warm wine because John and Guthrie got to be outside at the bonfire and I really wanted to be with them. I couldn't bring myself to plead with Laithe to get dressed again so I could join them. I was really disappointed and I kept it poorly contained.

I tried really hard to get it together, but I pretty much failed and went to bed earlier than I have in a week.

On one hand it was an exercise in expectations and maybe a good preparation for me for Christmas, but, like Thanksgiving, Solstice has come to be one of my favorite holidays because it is more intentional. A time of thankfulness and an opportunity to throw the baggage you're carrying around into the fire so you don't have to carry it into next year with you.

Cozy pajamas were still unwrapped, hot cocoa was slurped, there were giggles and cake, and apologies were made to my children for my unkind words but, like my children, after I throw a fit it takes awhile for me to find my balance again.

So, today was a late and easy breakfast, a clean bathroom (things always seem more manageable if I know that one room at least is clean), a hot shower, a few errands just Laithe and I. I asked him what he wanted to listen to in the car and he said Jingle Bell Rock so I complied and he surprised me with knowing all the words- joyfully sung at the top of his lungs. He was asleep for the last stop and I was thankful for still packing around the not-often used sling. It's been awhile since I've grocery shopped with a child on my chest. It was welcome this afternoon.

The plan is for everything to be done and wrapped by tomorrow evening so we can just enjoy Christmas Eve day- which to my knowledge has not been done since I've been a parent!  I've so enjoyed and needed this break from school and the usual to prepare for and celebrate this holiday season. Its been such a treat to decide what I will do each day. I will also enjoy going back to school on the 2nd with a renewed spirit and excitement. And hopefully some planning time between now and then!

I hope to post in the next few days, but more than likely we'll talk after the holiday. I hope this Christmas finds you cozy and full of joy!

1 comment:

Luci & Loree said...

Yes, i am cozy & FULL of joy. My lovely little 'fresh' tree is deader than anything, just sitting there all brown!! Now i don't feel so bad about getting the tree for $5 less than the guy wanted to take!!! It is a sad, stickery thing...
Mom always said the anticipation was way more than the actuality, and the let down after all the planning & things not going just the way we wanted them to be was disappointing.
BUT the pomp & circumstance and holly jolly of it & the prettiness is to be remembered.... :)
And u do a wonderful job Darah. It is a pleasure to read your words and know you think about these things. We always plan & think & try so hard, most of it gets through.
Love you and yours!!!


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