my least favorite

We're smack in the middle of what is probably my least favorite phase of pre-toddlerhood.
I like to call it:

Shit. I Hope That's a Cheerio.

Everything. Everything is going into Laithe's mouth these days.

It is exhausting. Not only is it exhausting to haul myself over to wherever he has holed himself up to enjoy whatever forbidden snack he's found and do the obligatory finger sweep - which invariably leads to a bite, which may or may not produce whatever he's shoved into his mouth, which, if not, means that 1. he could choke 2. he could be poisoning himself or 3. he could go into anaphylactic shock because he ate something he's allergic to - but we won't even know what it is because dude, have you tried to keep your carpet clean over the holiday season? I'm not even talking about tidy. I'm talking about vacuum and sweep every single day kind of clean and it's not good enough.

So, not only is that aspect of it exhausting, but the anxiety of what he is going to find is exhausting. Pennies! Rocks! Non-toxic though certainly not good for you cleaners! Hair ties! Stitch markers! Any number of small things that Guthrie has seen fit to hoard!

I appreciate that he's exploring his surroundings. I certainly appreciate that he can entertain himself for what seems like hours. I know this is a phase. I am tired of finding things in his poop that should definitely not be there. Like an entire issue of Sports Illustrated I kid you not.

Of course this has inspired certain lifestyle changes - what part of parenting doesn't?- such as vacuuming every day - every other at the very least, not using anything on our sidewalks to de-ice except a shovel and some pickling salt, buying organic expensive! cat food because man are those hard little round pellets tasty or what? And I try to be very calm about it, but it is really hard to stop the reel from playing in your head about what could have happened if you hadn't gotten that out his mouth. And that is going to remain nameless because of the parents and grandparents that read this. We don't need your reels going too.

And while I'm trying to remain grateful for the number of things that we've rescued his digestive system from, I am also trying to find the silver lining. Like, good thing we found out already there's no pesky nut allergy - walnuts or peanuts. Good to know. Or pine needles. Good thing those can be counted as roughage. Dirt clods. Old noodles. As previously stated, a couple of different kinds of cat food. Coffee grounds. Wax Christmas ornaments. Obviously paper. Oh the paper!

I should probably confess that I was the slightest bit uhh judgmental? snooty? about parents who let their kids chew holes in books. Yeah. Should have known that would come back around.
Today is Monday is missing half the spine. And man that is a lot of cardboard to chew through.

He is kind of taking this teething and chewing to a new level- at least for this household, although apparently he is just taking after his Grandpa Dave. We have this old rocking chair that was my Grandpa's then my dad's then mine, now Guthrie and Laithe's. I assumed that the finish had worn off the front of the rockers due to age. My grandparents tell me it was my dad during teething. So, I guess, Laithe is just trying to fill some family shoes? Not only is the finish gone, there are chunks, chunks!, missing.

I should just come out and say this -- Guthrie never did this. Never to this level. Ever. Once a she found a penny and crawled her way over to me with it in her hand and gave it to me like, "Look you slacker parent, you should watch out for things like this because I may be good about it, but down the line, someone else will not. Pay attention!"

I know it'll just be a few more months *hopefully* until he gets past this, or until us saying 'no' actually means something to him. Until then we're trying to rid the house of cardboard. There's nothing like finding your 10 month old laying on the floor gnawing on the edge of a shoebox. Shit. That is definitely not a Cheerio. Until then, pour me a glass of wine and join me in hoping this kid doesn't obstruct his own bowel! Wouldn't that be a party?