I'm finally getting a chance to sit down and blog. This week has been super busy and looking back I'm not sure why. I haven't been feeling that great, so there have been several trips to the chiropractor. I guess that added to the busyness. And work has been inundated with Corporate and all the doom and gloom that comes with. It doesn't really impact my job at all, but it certainly impacts the office environment!
So, this whole baby thing! Here's where we're at now. Eleven weeks - so on the late side of mid-February we should have a new family member. Is 2010 a leap year? I never pay attention. I should probably check, huh? (I checked. It is not.)
I'm feeling overall better than I did with Guthrie. I sometimes have to remind myself when in the throes of nausea that my record this time has been throwing up 2 times in one morning whereas my record last time was about 8! I am also thankful that I've only lost 5 lbs so far and not the 12 I had by this point last time. I more just feel gross and irritable. And so sleepy!!
And then there's the sciatica.
Because I'm 80.
It does indeed bring the 80 year old out in me. You can, most days, find me tottering around mumbling, "oh my sciatica!" while rubbing my, well, my rear end. I'm sure it's just the picture of loveliness. Apparently my good ole uterus has a penchant for resting on my sciatic nerve. It did this last time. The whole time. And I'm not havin' it anymore. Hence the chiropractor. She said to give it a couple weeks of treatment and we'll reassess how things are going. I woke up this morning feeling substantially better though, so I have high hopes. My next option is acupuncture, but my insurance doesn't cover that so I'm hoping this works.
We're seeking out our options for prenatal caregivers. Wanting to cover my in-town bases I made several phone calls and most ended either in anger or tears. This is not a heavily VBAC supportive community. The two hospitals in town are "VBAC supportive" but I don't totally trust it. They won't give out percentages and call me crazy, but when the L & D department says, "well, we've had several" it doesn't really exude confidence.
The low point in the phone calls was when I called the one physician my family doctor recommended I was told she would not consider a VBAC unless I'd had two prior successful ones.
Uh-huh. So. Let me get this math right.
In theory: I've had one c-section. Then I had two successful VBACs (but not with you, with some other capable caregiver). And now I'm pregnant again.
So, four kids? We need to have a family of six before you'll agree to even think about me having a child vaginally?
At this point in the phone calls I'm more on the irate side then the teary side. For a caregiver to make that call without even seeing a patient - let alone getting her case history is some damn poor care.
So, we've narrowed it down to two groups of midwives. One is in town and one is out of Iowa City. We've met with one of them and both really liked what we heard.
What frustrates me this time around is that this feels a little like a game. And I guess that it kind of is. It's the well, let's put you on Labetalol for your chronic hypertension because, 1. it gives great numbers even though you may feel like crap for your entire pregnancy and 2. frequently women who are on it have smaller babies and that's always good for a VBAC because then they can't in good conscience schedule a section because they think you are "measuring large". It not the fun kind of roulette.
The thing is that we played this kind of game before and I didn't like it.
Likely because I think childbirth can be a sacred experience.
It's hard to have sacred when they tie you down to cut you open for anything less than an emergency. At least for me.
The second set of midwives does home births. And I feel substantially more comfortable with that option. And really, is anyone surprised? Thing is that I'm not sure we can afford it. Our insurance company will pay for labs and that's about it. It may come down to me choosing between a home birth and having a good solid maternity leave. I'm not sure I want to make that decision. So, what's a family to do?
And back to therapy I go!!
It's hard not to have all this shit have an impact on my excitement for this baby. And I am so excited! I'm so excited that I burst into tears at slightly inappropriate moments because I've been so blessed. We tried so hard for what seemed like forever and if a few more months had passed we were both going in for testing. And now we will be a family of four. My whole life I've waited for this- this motherhood thing. I am overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings about it.
I'm certain that this blog will change a little bit as time goes on. Which is good. Static is never a fun read. But I'm preparing you now that I will over share about this pregnancy in ways that certain members of the population will be uncomfortable with. I'm certain I will vent my frustrations and possibly use this as a sounding board for my processing of this whole experience. Shocking, I know. So, bear with me. I promise I'll still talk about adorable little Gus who kisses my abdomen at socially awkward times. I feel like I should wear a sign - I mean soon maternity clothes will make it obvious, but until then - "I promise she's kissing her future sibling and this is not some kind of weird thing our family does".
Which, speaking of Guthrie, we signed her up for preschool last week. Preschool. How did that happen? And tonight we bought her a bright red backpack and matching tennis shoes. And she wore it through all the other errands we did. She's 85,000 kinds of cute. But, Preschool?
I took her first day of school off because, duh, I will totally cry. I'm so proud of the little girl she's become. That seems so strange to say because she's 2, but really I am.