March 12, 2008

mama's famous

I'm in the paper!

I spoke with a reporter from the Gazette last week for this story on the c-section epidemic. And here we are in print! 1 in 3 by C-section. Please email me or leave me a comment if you cannot access it and I'll give you further directions. You might have to create a (free) account to access the story. Also please note that this is a limited time link so look at it as much as you can in the next 30 days! I'll hopefully be able to provide a more permanent link later on.

It's been awhile since I've talked about Guthrie's birth to someone who doesn't know our family and our story already. Aside from it being altogether cathartic, it, of course, brought the experience back up for me. Which was surprisingly less painful than I anticipated. I'm happy to be on the other side of the raw pain my cesarean caused. This not to say that tears don't flow when I think about it and that some anger doesn't burn, but these feelings don't overwhelm me.

I am so thankful to Carly for writing this article and writing about women's experiences so honestly. There's such a gamut of experiences when it comes to c-sections. As there should be- there's a gamut of paths one can take to get to the point of having a c-section. One thing is for certain, all those experiences (and the resulting emotions) are valid. Frequently I read posts saying "at least you have a baby" "at least everyone survived" "you are so self-indulgent for feeling this way - it could be so much worse." And indeed, it could be so much worse, but it was pretty bad as it was.

My hope is that this article will open that discussion a little more to include a lack of judgment no matter the experience, no matter what that experience left in its wake.

It is funny how in my mind my labor and surgery was one long flow of time and then I read this article and in the real world three days passed. I remember light and dark outside my hospital room window, but time was so liquid. And even the weeks after her birth. It is all one giant, somewhat fuzzy memory. I am glad to be out of that. A lot of people are still experiencing it in their own lives.

One thing that the article didn't mention (and I'm ok with that!) was the months of counseling it took to get to this point. This point where we are trying again for another baby and this point where even if I have to have another c-section my experience will not be the same because I am not the same person I was.

I guess the tricky thing is that I would do it all again, in less than a heartbeat if that was required of me. Of course I would. Any mother would. Us sectioned moms are no less grateful, that gratefulness is just more complicated. Because if I'm truly honest, my c-section was the lowest, worst point of my life. And at the same time, at that exact moment, was the birth of my daughter. A beautiful pure spirit full of light and life.

Those are tough things to reconcile.

So, here's to more openness and less judgment and, in the end, so much more transformation and growth.

Thanks for the opportunity Carly!


That Girl Gretchen said...

This was an awesome article! Good for you for speaking out about your experience. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I have children ... perhaps we'll have to have a chat when that time comes.

Aprille said...

Thanks for sharing that article, Darah. When I had Miles, my water broke but I wasn't having productive contractions, so they put me on Pitocin. When I heard that's what they wanted to do, I was really upset, because I was sure it would start a cascade of interventions that would end in a c-section.

I'm lucky that it didn't turn out that way, but there are a lot of women such as yourself who end up caught in the medical maelstrom and the only way out is a cut through the abdomen.

Best of luck in your future pregnancies. Please keep in touch!


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