This morning has been unpleasant.
Not the entire morning, but man there is some kind of magic that happens when John walks out the door to work. Thankfully I got breakfast and coffee in before that. Before the surly happened. Before the sibling jealousy and fighting.
The screaming, crying, tantruming. And the whining. OH MY STARS THE WHINING. It is NEVER ENDING. EVER.
It's like Guthrie cannot communicate with me unless there is that twinge to her voice. The twinge that is like effing nails on a chalkboard.
And not to be outdone, Laithe's frustration with life has reached new decibels these days. Long bouts of screaming that tend to render us dumbfounded because what the hell, dude? The cap didn't go back on the marker correctly. That's really what this is about?
And really what is up with how much and often these kids need to be fed? Sheesh.
It's not that I expect every day, or even every moment (because if you measure good and rough in days instead of moments as a parent you are so setting yourself up for disaster) to be pleasant or enjoyable. My job as a parent/teacher is to raise functioning adults. The End.
But it's so much nicer when it's an enjoyable task.
I'm enjoying a self-imposed break on the couch. "Mama needs some quiet time. Find something to do."
When I can take a step back and a few deep breaths I can see that this behavior is a phase. That this too shall pass. That there are growing pains that I can't always recognize going on. That the best thing for all of us is to maintain our usual rhythm and expectations.
But, that perspective is escaping me right now. Giving me an edge to my voice that I don't like, but I will forgive myself for because mama is human too and perfection is exhausting - especially on this little sleep.
During my break I read the new post on Momastery - if you don't read it you really should. I think if I had to pinpoint the most impacting thing I've read this year it's Glennon's blog. There is truly nothing like someone making you feel 1. normal, and 2. not alone. I've got some momotony going on right now. For sures.
We're leaving tomorrow, the kids and I, for a few days with friends from college. The kids are all 6 and under and between my two and her three they seem to mesh well. It's always a welcome break to get out of my every-day for awhile. Even if it is just parenting in a different space. It's is also welcome to share a space with another person doing the sacred art of parenting. Someone as "in the trenches" as I am.
Break time is over. Guess who is hungry again??
And after that some outside time is in order before we head out to run errands I think.
And then I'll keep doing the dishes and the laundry . . . again. Oh these days are so long sometimes.