November 26, 2012

thankful 2012

There's something about the Monday morning after a holiday. Getting back to the rhythms - although I wish John were home for a few more days so we could actually do something fun!

So this holiday was not quite as much fun as I hoped it would be. Which was kind of a bummer because it's my FAVORITE holiday EVER. We were all sick- everyone except John and his mom. And I hope they don't catch it because man it was one of the worst colds I've had. Guthrie came down with it last Sunday and she laid in my bed and cried about nothing and I thought uh-oh, it's one of those colds. You know what I mean? Where you feel so miserable you just want to cry - or you just do cry? Because it all seems so terribly unreasonable that you should feel this awful? Tuesday Laithe picked it up. By the time I was finishing prep work on Wednesday night I knew I'd gotten it too and had about 24 hours until I was crying. And I totally proved myself right. By the time everyone went home on Thanksgiving night I wanted to crawl under a rock. And then Guthrie had a little relapse with her HSP. We were all distressed by the reappearance of her 'spots' but it seems to have been a 24 hour thing as they're all fading into greeny brown bruises.

This morning though is better - finally. We're down to coughing and sore throats and sinus headaches and no new spots. Manageable as long as no one starts crying.

We went around the table, as we do every night, but especially on Thanksgiving to share what we are most thankful for. I told the kids this thankful time was different because we were supposed to think about all year - what we were most thankful for since last Thanksgiving.

I was thankful that I was in an entirely new phase of my life this Thanksgiving than I was last year. It was just about this time last year that we started wondering if this was a possibility for us. There are days when it's so much harder than I imagined. There are days when it's so much easier. But it's always what I would choose over and over if I had to make the choice again.

By the end of the weekend though I think I would have modified things a little bit. I would have thanked John a little more. Without his support this our family wouldn't be where we're at. Not the least of which is his financial support - the commitment he feels to financially provide for our family. I sometimes feel guilty that he goes to a job every day that he likes, but doesn't love and I get to stay home and do what I love. It was scary making this jump from two to one income. Feeling peacefully dependent does not come easy to me. My old job is open again and we had a conversation about that. It's been a much more expensive fall than we anticipated. And true to our roles in our marriage while I hemmed and hawed he said - do you want to go back to work? I said no. He said, then don't. End of discussion.

This weekend though I was just thankful that he was here. We were all feeling so crappy and he got up with the kids so I could sleep, he got everyone food and kept everyone somewhat happy. I was so thankful I got sick at a time when he could be here to step in for me.  So that I could take a couple sick days from my job.

So, this Thanksgiving I am really thankful for my husband. Over ten years in and it is what I would choose over and over if I had to make the choice again.

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