March 9, 2009

happy March!

Ugh. What a month. I'm talking about February -- I still have high hopes for March since it just started -- man, February was rough. Apparently we're still getting over it. Like the rest of the country we were sick all of February. Rather the blogger was sick pretty much the whole month, so not much blogging got done. I'm feeling better, but now all of our bodies are rebelling against the change in seasons so that's pretty fun. It's never ending!

Anyways. Looks like we're up for another super busy month albeit one that hopefully doesn't involve so much kleenex and antibiotic. I got a job! I'm starting this Thursday. I think it'll be a good job for me and I'll be willing to write more later as I figure out what all it will entail and how I will feel about it. It'll be challenging in a good way, the pay will get us back on track after this period of unemployment, etc. etc. and right now I feel pretty shitty about it. I realize I've worked since Guthrie was 2 months old or so, but my prior job was really, really flexible. I was beholden to the deadlines and that was kind of it. This one won't be so flexible. And I know I need to feel very, very lucky that I got a job at all in this economic climate. I'm assured I can work some from home, but there's a pit of fear in my stomach that it won't work out that way. It's 32 hours a week and my hours are flexible as soon as I get through my orientation period. I say flexible and know it will only be relatively so. Can you tell I'm having a hard time with this?

I'm not completely up for being a full time stay at home mom, but I could definitely be up for a 15 hour a week job. Just enough to get me out of the house and give Gus and I some space. But we went to grad school and have the bills to prove it so that won't probably ever be an option. Such is the situation of my generation! Here's an economic stimulus idea for you - forgive student debt. We'd all be grateful! Thirty-two hours a week doesn't seem like a lot, but it it. I was away from Gus for two very long days this past week - much longer than my work days will be and let me tell you it sucked the big one. We both kind of emotionally vomited all over each other in the days after the separation. Awesome.

So, this week will bring some big changes. Right now our moms have stepped up for childcare, but it's also time that Guthrie start some sort of outside care. Even if it's just for a couple mornings a week. She's desperate for more social interactions and I know she'd love it. I feel "okay" about that. I just hope we can find the right situation that meets my ridiculously high expectations. You can take the girl out of the preschool but you can't take the preschool teacher out of the girl!

I'll be the first to tell you that transitions aren't my strong point. Even now as I'm writing this I'm totally in tears. So, let's just hope as I walk into work on Thursday I will be able to do it. That I won't just turn around and walk out. I need this job; my family needs me to have this job, but I think we might be in for a rough few weeks.


Melissa said...

I know that it's scary and a totally new experience for you as a parent, but, you will get through it - I promise!! I'm not saying it will be easy at first, as you are establishing new habits and routines but it will work out. If my commute to your house wasn't so long, I'd watch her!! What fun that would be!! Maybe someday.... Hang in there! You will do great at the new job and Guthrie will thrive no matter what because she has YOU for a mom! Love you!

..melissa.. said...

I agree with Melissa. So excited for this new adventure in your life. Change is so hard on little ones (and us!) but hang in there!

I will be thinking of you all day Thursday and look forward to hearing how it goes!!


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