July 31, 2008

friendy friend

Back when John first got his job I emailed a good friend from college and, well kind of whined, about having to make new friends in a new city. I think something along the lines of "geez. i mean it takes such effort. it's just too exhausting for me. i'm happy with my current friends." While that's all well and good and more than a little bit true, she saw right through it and emailed me back with the sentence, "i'm a firm believer that you can find a kindred spirit in every city." Yes, she completely kicks my hiney.

Guthrie and I drive back to Iowa City for our playgroup on Tuesdays. It has been a lifesaver and I'm sure will continue to be so. We had several friends visit us this past Saturday (thanks guys!!) and I mentioned to our friend Deb that it was nice to talk to someone who has known me for a few years. We're past that whole introduction phase so we can just get to the good stuff. Maybe that says more about how stellar Deb and I are at small talk :) but being around all those people made me remember how nice it is to be around people.
Working from home has its definite perks, but one of the downsides is that you see your four walls and your family and that's kind of it. Unless I take my show on the road and go to Starbucks or the library, well, it's pretty isolating. And then there's that whole motherhood thing. If you've heard it once you've heard it 80 billion times - motherhood can lonely. Not from lack of people, but from lack of people who have vocabulary that includes more than 15 words. And yes, sometimes that 15 word limit can apply to your spouse. It goes something like this: how was your day? naptime? dinner? poops? tomorrow? i love you. The End. We're both pretty well versed in exhausted-parent speak.

All this is to say, ok I'm on my search for my in-town kindred spirit. I joined meetup.com and am hoping to get to one of the playdates at the park. Gus and I went to storytime in the park on Tuesday. It was great. The park is 2 blocks from our house so it was such an easy walk- even in 90% humidity! I stalked the other moms for potential friends. One got nixed because she lit up a cigarette in the middle of the playground. I don't mind smoking, but at least walk away from the playground! One looked hopeful until I decided she was a nanny. The other ones had kids several years older than Guthrie. No, I didn't actually talk to anyone. I told you, I stalked the other mothers.

I know it'll take time. But it's all just so much effort. And I know that Guthrie makes for easy introductions. And I know that I haven't shed much of my shyness as I've become an adult. Ugh. So, if you happen to stumble upon this blog and you live in the quad cities you might recognize me around town. That mom with the slight look of desperation as she gears up to maybe talk to you. Be nice to her ok? You might be her kindred spirit.

also, my best friend and I were talking the other
day and agreed that those people with best
friends within a 30 mile radius better know
how good they have it. We haven't lived within
1000 miles of each other since 1996.
We would really like to meet for coffee this week.


Aprille said...

I hear ya, Ms. Darah. It's hard for me to make friends too. Everybody has such busy schedules that it's difficult to make time for socializing, and when you have kids, 90% of the attention is on them, so it's harder to get to know the parents as individuals.

The distance thing is rough, too. Just last weekend I got together with my best girlfriends, all of whom live far away from me (and each other, except for the two who live in San Francisco). It's so great being back with a gang that has history, and you're definitely right about the fact that people who live near their closest friends should appreciate that fact.

Steph said...

I know I have a little more of an outlet for meeting people because I work outside of the house, but I so relate to you here. My friend in D.C. and I were just lamenting about this. It's so hard to find that connection with someone and at this point in life, I'm just tired of making new friends. I want to just have all the old ones near me. I've been blogging some about this too. I started a new blog and haven't told many people about it, but I'm getting it out there now - http://productoffeminism.blogspot.com. The posts "Women of Notre Dame" and "Community of Women" are about this.

Melissa said...

Love you Darah - I've lived in Sequim for 3 years and sometimes feel really lonely; the relationships are different. And yes, I'd love if you could come for coffee tomorrow - I'm not babysitting! duffy is so sexy

Melissa said...

Duffy added his own little touch to my last comment!


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